Did I watch the royal wedding? No. No, I did not watch at 4am an overly ostentatious wedding of two people that I have never met. I don't even really care about the wedding part of my friends' weddings. I'm more of a reception guy myself. Was I invited to the royal reception. Yeah, let me tell you about here. Just kidding. Obviously I was not. I'm pretty sure I would not have student loan debt if I were the type of person to get invited to the royal wedding/reception.
Anyway. I was almost hit by a motorized wheel chair on Friday. Do you know what a motorized wheelchair going +/-13mph would do to your ACL? Luckily, I can't tell you. I also can't tell you the protocol on being angry about almost getting hit by a motorized wheel chair. I wanted to be like "damn lady you're driving like a crazy person in this crowded metro station, which is not advisable." But life has obviously been a little cruel to her to eliminate the use of her legs so I figured I should just shrug this one off and walk away because I can, thankfully. But I don't know, maybe I have a right to be at least a little angry about this lady's crazy wheelchair driving. I don't know the emotional protocol of these situations. And it was established a while back that I am insensitive so no need to be surprised by this paragraph.
So we had a party at our house on Saturday. I'm sorry you couldn't make it. This, however, was a perfect excuse to bring out the party pants again, which happen to fit again. So there was a long night of lunging at any opportunity that arose, which it turns out is never really fitting but I managed to do it like 30 times to prove their stretchiness. But the purpose of the party for others was drinking games. I only like the drinking games where I can throw things like beer pong or this game we call "can 'n ball" (get it, like cannon ball) because that's like the only thing I'm good at in life. So this one that we call "slappin' the base" because we were watching the movie I Love You Man one time while playing it, which is more commonly called "slap cup", is not one of my favorites. I like to call it "the worst" because it is the worst drinking game ever. And this is directly related to the fact that I suck and I have terrible friends that like to exploit this fact. So there was that. Then we moved on to can 'n ball. And then, for some reason, Joe-from-home and I got into a little battle of throwing this little foam soccer ball at each other. Then there was hookah and that was that.
If curing a hangover counts as being medicinal, I think the FDA should approve pho as a medicine. I am a weekly test patient and it works. Like yesterday when I needed to be good to go to the Sweet Life Fest where I knew I would be drinking more. So this is up in Columbia, MD at Merriweather Post Pavilion (yes, like the Animal Collective album), where I just so happen to have been spending an odd amount of time recently as my two roommates and I (one of whom is moving to Japan in like a month like a big ole DB, so if you or anyone you know that is cool, likes sports and competing in Jeopardy needs a place to live in DC, let me know) have been going to a great microbrew bar called Frisco on Wednesdays. The band, Ra Ra Riot, that I really wanted to see went on at 3 but we didn't leave until like 330. However, while getting ready to leave Joe-from-home's gf's apartment she had the concert streaming and the one song that I wanted most to see was playing at that moment. So that worked out and kind of makes you believe in the god huh? Incidentally, pretty lady from Ra Ra Riot, if you are reading this, and I know you are, do you want to hang out like forever? Cool.
Speaking of wanting to hang out with people forever, shortly after we got to the festival, where it was cold and raining and both of which I was completely unprepared for because I am an idiot and assumed that because it was at a place with pavilion in the title I wouldn't be out in the rain. False assumption. So shortly after we get there I see this lady with really nice eyes and I almost walked up to her and was like "Hi, I couldn't help but notice you have really nice eyes. I just wanted to tell you that if I could spend the rest of my life looking into your eyes I would consider that a life well spent." And then she would be like "If I had to spend the rest of my life with someone staring at me I would consider that a life very unproductive and annoying." Then I would be like "Touche nice eyed lady. How about I don't stare at you forever but we just hangout forever and make babies and such like normal people?" And she would be like "Based on your first sentence to me, you sound like a real creepster so no that would not be agreeable." Good thing I didn't go up to her.
Joe-from-home's gf said only one of us could slide down the hill because she only had one blanket in her car that we could use to keep from getting it all wet. I called dibs. I then dove down the hill and proceeded to knock the wind out of myself. I don't know how baseball players do it because that hurt like the dickens. And my phone fell out of my pocket but luckily Joe saw it. I have heard that some animals will go off in the wilderness alone to die and I can't help but feel that my phone is trying to get away like that to go die somewhere.
Then Crystal Castles came on and I don't know if you remember me telling you how my dream job would be to not have a job at all but be rich with all the free time in the world. Well Crystal Castles has me reconsidering because I think it would be pretty awesome to be able to go on stage, play awesome music, and act like a crazy person. I think I would be good at that based on how my dancing went after the wedding last week and my affinity for tight pants.
Then there was this lady with a baby there with huge headphones on, or whatever you call noise-reducing things for your ears. Either way she's a terrible mother. Remember how I told you about the cold and the rain? Well this thing looked like it was right out the womb, fortunately not literally though because that would be gross. But yea I mean I respect this woman's ambition to not let this child get in the way of her living her life as if she didn't have an infant depending on her. No I don't. Go home lady. Take a little time off of the loud, bad weather concerts and make sure your child is healthy for at least its first 5 weeks of life. Amateurs.
Anyway. So they were a little unprepared with the food situation there. We wandered all about looking for food and finally found a place that had 12% of what it was advertising compared to the 0% at like every other place. It was in this line that Joe-from-home said hey there's a girl over there I think you would like. She was attractive so I was like "if by my type you mean attractive otherwise I am curious as to why you say that?" "Well she looks like how you described that girl you liked in South Africa." I was thinking it's not polite to bring up the 'dead to me' but, yea, she did. I think Joe described her as "wholesome" but really I saw the resemblance in the fact she was wearing these uniquely patterned clothes.
Moving on. Recently someone was talking about how they inconveniently came across this non-profit called Fallen Whistles. I couldn't think of it at the time but after a little research I found out it was at a happy hour for our touch football league where they were at, which is a little odd. Anyway, they had a booth right next to the food place so, me enjoying myself here so much, I ended up donating some money. It is a child soldier (they blow whistles to warn of coming enemies) and free and fair election in the Congo advocacy organization and those are good causes. So I don't regret not having that money any more. I do regret blowing the symbolic whistle they give you though later as that was probably a little inappropriate.
Then I rubbed my left eye a little too vigorously and lost my contact so I threw my right one out too. Could have done without that.
Then Lupe Fiasco came on and I am not a fan of his rap music but I do agree with his politics, which made his set interesting as he soap boxed it a little too, calling Donald Trump crazy because he is.
Then Girl Talk came on and I lost faith in humanity a little bit more. This point in the show was the only low one though. I felt like I was the only one there that realized it was not talent or entertaining to ADDly mash a bunch of terrible songs together and have people come up on the stage to distract the audience from realizing you're not doing anything but hook up your laptop to a fancy sound system. Girl Talk, you're a talentless fraud and I hate you for being the low point in my day of many high points. Luckily there was beer sold at this place so I tried to get to the bar as many times as possible during this set including the one time when on the way back I slipped for like the 20th time and managed to keep both beers in my hands losing only about an inch from each (one was Joe's, I was not double fisting 24oz beers).
Speaking of high points, or what was a high point at the time but now with contact-aided hindsight may not have been that great of a moment. So I started wearing these girls' in front of us reusable grocery bag as a necklace. And, given the number of beers I have drank at this point, I manage to ask one of them to dance upon giving back their bag. The Strokes are now playing so we proceed to get our dance on and we're slipping and twirling. As far as I could see, which really was not very far at all, she was attractive so that was nice. And I remember she had a really soft sweater. And this is all great and fun. But then she asked me how old I was. I told her 26 on Tuesday because that's the truth, which is why the ladies are mentioned here more than normal because I am pretty sure I should have married/impregnated someone by now. She said 22. Sober me, however, is starting to doubt that. Joe and his gf never said anything like "hey btw that girl with whom you are dancing looks like she's 18" but given the age question was asked, I am starting to think I was mistaken for believing her being 22. Really I couldn't see her very well and couldn't tell you anything more about her than she was really thin and had big, dark, frizzy hair so I don't really have any reason to not believer her, but who asks that? Whatever. That happened.
Also, I recently finished reading the Lord of the Rings books so I wanted to watch the movies again too, which I did this weekend or at least the third one. That's 10 hours of my life I can't get back, unfortunately. Anyway, while watching I was thinking I would like to have a neat, shiny ring like that. Boom. Marriage is back on the table.
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