Veteran's Day Weekend 2011

So my sister called me fat this weekend.

And she'll deny this and say she said "fatter", but it takes fat to become fatter, so I heard correctly and she called me fat.

Back story:

It was a federal holiday on Friday, Veteran's Day, so me and my roommate had off from work. We had gone out the night before because it was Thursday and Thursdays are the new Fridays, remember, and were not feeling too up to getting up during the day and being productive because it was a big night where I ended up on my neighbor's floor playing tug-of-war with her cat. We were well on our way to spending the day on the couch watching Scrubs, How I Met Your Mother, and other funny comedies when the idea of eating food was broached, per usual. I said I had just eaten, because I had, and he said something like "chinese buffet." Nothing else had to be said and we were on our way to Hyattsville to the UTC China Buffet (I would link that but they don't have a website). Since the Philadelphia Phillies are worthless and the most disappointing thing in my life, this one was free for me.

Four plates later and that was the last thing I ate on Friday, and I thought maybe longer.

And then my sister and her friend arrived. Shortly thereafter she called me fat.

After waiting for like 3 hours for them to get ready I was able to tell them that, contrary to what they seemed to believe, going out in DC is not a beauty pageant and they would not be able to get those hours they spend doing whatever they do back at any point in their life. Eventually we got the night started off with food (them) and drinks (me) at The Getaway. You know how I am an awkward person? Well, our waitress that night made me look like the most socially competent person in the world the way she stood hovering over our table staring weirdly and all other sorts of awkwardness all night. So that made me feel good about myself/not so good about The Getaway.

Now, when I was in Bloomsburg, PA, the bar that was the favorite of my sister and her friend was this place called The Capitol, which is a logical title for a bar located in a small town in the middle of the state having nothing to do with the capital/capitol. So I thought to myself: where is there a bar in DC where I will be surrounded by way too many people of the type I would not enjoy, since I am judgmental and all, that may or may not be dancing. We DCers came up with either Public Bar or Front Page. So we tried Public Bar because a couple years ago we were at this bar that was called something else back then for New Year's Eve and wanted to get nostalgic.

Well, it was a lot like we expected with the way too many people, so we didn't last long there. So we mixed it up and tried Mackey's, where we were like the only people. After a couple drinks there we hopped on over to Rumors but, luckily, there was a cover so we avoided that and ended up at 19th Hole.

Here's the hearsay: 19th Hole was pretty empty too so, for some reason, we received some free drinks for being there. A classic 90s song came on and I started doing my helicopter dance with my jacket. Then, all of a sudden, I get up without saying anything to anyone, I not-so-discreetly grab a poster that is rolled up on a table next to us and even less discreetly try to carry it out past the security guy at the door who immediately stops me, takes the poster, and says I have to leave. And then I turned down my first food since 430pm while at Ben's Chili Bowl and there went Friday.

The next day my sister and I get up early have the most delightful day as tourists ever. We start out in Chinatown so we can go by where Lincoln was shot and where he died across the street. Odd idea for a tourist stop I think, really. Almost as odd as the number of Asian people in Chinatown given how un-chinese the town is. Oh, I feel so bad for the Asian people I see getting off at the Gallery Place metro stop because I am so certain of the inevitable disappointment they will have when walking out into DC's version of Times Square that at one point was probably a legitimate Chinatown but is now a well-lit area with a Chinese arch and Chinese symbols on places like Ruby Tuesday's. Classic.

Anyway.

Then my sister and I walk on down past the White House to the Washington Monument along the not-currently-reflecting pool to the Lincoln Memorial and down to the Jefferson Memorial. Then we catch a cab on over to Georgetown to walk along beautiful M St. with her friends. Truly a great touristy day. And think, I could have ended up hung over in bed all day from drinking a decent amount while not eating all night. Close one.

Then: Columbia Heights Bar Crawl 2011 (after pho at Pho Viet, of course. which reminds me: DC stop being dumbies and eating at Pho 14 all the time when pho is pretty much all the same so if you're paying more you are not not acting in your own best interest, which is absolutely the case if you choose Pho 14 over Pho Viet. but, really, don't take up seats at Pho Viet because it is getting to be winter so I will want to go there more often and I don't want to have to wait. who am I talking to when I write things like this? good question, me.).

So I decided I would try to grow out a mustache. And by that I mean that when it came time to shave on Friday I shaved everything except the area above my lip where more testosterone-laden men grow mustaches. And I left the house pointing this out to everyone I saw, stroking it ever so weirdly for everyone around me. I didn't receive one positive comment and most involved the words "creepy" and "pedophiliac", which I thought was insensitive given all that's going on with Penn State. But I didn't take this personally as I knew that given time I would look awesome, as always.

Anyway.

We started at Wonderland. Then we went on over to Meridian Pint and met up with a couple other groups of people and had a couple drinks there. Then we walked on over to Lou's. When we got there, it was suspiciously well-lit. Once we got out of the bathroom, it was only then that the worker people decided to tell us that, for some idiotic reason, they already had last call before 1230. So we went over to Acre 121 where they also already had last call, but at least they let us get a round, which is all we were hoping for given it was a bar crawl. Lou you're dumb.

Next stop: Alero on 14th. That is an odd place with the painting of naked Harry Potter and way too loud reggaeton for the 13 people in the bar. But we made the best of it and moved on.

Last stop: Zeba. They have their own version of a gentlemen's combo, a Yuengling and a shot of Jameson, so we do one of those and some people dance the night away while others sit and watch and chit-chat. And, per usual, we stop at Giant for some fried chicken and smoke the hookah when we get back to the house.

The next day we are at brunch at The Heights at 14th and Kenyon with their wonderfully delicious fish tacos. For some reason, my sister's friend wasn't going to finish her sandwich, so I did the honors. The waitress said I was the hero of the day for not wasting the food. And, you know what, I was. Thanks, waitress, for pointing that out. It really needs to be said more often. To me.

So I have that going for me.

And then I shaved my "mustache", partially because I didn't have the courage to go to work like that but mostly because I was going to a law school open house and had to wear a name badge and I didn't want to get labeled as the creepster with the adolescent-like mustache and pretty much ruin my chances at getting in.